Memories Of Matty
by Heart of a Music Box
Summary: Matt is dead and Mello is depressed, remembering their life together. Can he stand to live without his other half? Rated M for future chaps. Old. Short chaps.
1. Matt Is Dead

Mello layed on his bed, staring up at the rusty, creaky ceiling fan. Apathy filled the cold room. Mello, for once, could feel no impulse to do anything. He could feel no cause to even step foot outside his crappy apartment.

Kira had been caught, identified as Light Yagami, and sentenced to death. This alone should have made the rest of Mello's existance perfect, for it had been him and not Near that had defeated him.

But Mello didn't care that he'd won. Putting Kira on death row wasn't nearly enough. Kira, or rather, Light, deserved to be skinned, set on fire with gasoline, stabbed repeatedly, electrocuted, and then have quadruaple amputation, and survive it all. Then be decapitated with a blunt ax.

This was cruel and unusual, even for Mello's standards, but he had a good reason for it.

Kira had taken away the one thing that made Mello want to live. The one thing that kept him willing to go on.

Due to Kira, Matt was dead.

And there was nothing Mello, or anyone in the mortal world, could do about it.


	2. The Meeting

Mello wandered down the hallway, bored to the point of tears. He'd been at Wammy's for three months, and had quickly established a pecking order. Mello was king, and the others, especially that sheepy-kid Near, were insignificent little bugs who had to avoid him AT ALL COSTS.

Mello rounded the corner and stopped. Sitting against the wall outside the main office was a red-haired boy, who looked to be a year or two younger than himself. He wore a red-and-black striped shirt and jean shorts. He was shoeless, and was wear gray socks that were full of holes. Around his neck were black, plastic goggles with yellow lenses. His face, particularly around his eyes, was red, like he'd been crying.

Mello would never, not to his dying day, be able to explain the phenomenon that possessed him that day. An impulse unlike anything he'd ever felt before took control of his body. He walked over to the boy and sat beside him. Mello curled his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders and let the red-haired head fall on his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while, and more emotions Mello was unfamilier with cascaded through him. The smaller boy was warm, and Mello was sensitive to cold, so that made him appreciate the close proximity. The boy's face was innocent, and maybe a little cute, so he felt no physical aversion to him. But neither of these things grasped the blonde boy's heart more than the sense of protectivness that almost overwhelmed him. He felt like he wanted to take the boy away and hide him in his bedroom, to keep him all for himself and not let any of the evil in the orphanage, or the world, ever touch him.

This emotional ascent was interuppted by a tiny moan, that sounded a little like a squeak. The boy stirred, and opened his eyes. They were a shocking and mesmerizing shade of emerald green.

The boy regarded him sleepily, and pulled his head up. Mello didn't pull his arm away.

"Who are you?"

The boy's voice was clear as crystal, and high-pitched enough to belong to a small girl. The sound of it made the blonde's heart flip pleasently.

"I'm Mello. You're new here, right? What's your name?"

The boy trembled a little before answering.

"I'm Matt, or, that's my nickname. I don't like my real name."

Mello grinned; "I don't like my name either. Mello isn't my real name."

"What is?"

"Only if you tell me yours first."

Matt pouted, looking like a complete angel when he did so.

"Fine, my real name is Mail. Now will you tell me?"

"It's Mihael."

"Lucky! That's way better than Mail!"

"You know it."

The pout was on full-force now, and Mello was sure his heart-rate accelerated quite a bit.

Matt yawned, and his head flopped down again. Mello jumped a little, and then smiled. He squeezed Matt a little tighter, and let his own head touch Matt's. Something was definatly malfunctioning in his heart, but he didn't care. He liked this feeling so far.


	3. New Kid

"Everyone, please listen up!"

Mello looked up from his magazine and saw Roger standing at the door, clutching Matt by the shoulder. Matt looked terrified, and Mello had to resist running up and shielding him from sight.

"This is Matt. He's new here, and he needs to room with someone. Any volunteers to take him?"

No one made a sound. Matt was looking more and more distressed. It broke Mello's heart to see him like that, so he did something that was practically anti-Mello.

He raised his hand and called; "I'll take him!"

The whole of Wammy's turned to stare at him. He knew disbelief was coursing through their brains, and he smirked.

Matt sent a blinding grin at him, and his smirk flickered to a genuine smile, and back again.

-0-0-0-0-

"Thanks for...uh, you know..."

"Don't sweat it."

Matt laid out his sheets and pillow on the top bunk. He sent a weak smile down at Mello.

"It's just that....I was sure no....one......would....."

The bunks shook as Matt collapsed.

Mello flew up the ladder. Matt was asleep, and for the first time, Mello noticed how bloody thin he was. The dark purple smudges under his eyes only increased his worry.

He lifted Matt's striped shirt, just enough to veiw his stomach, and was horrified at being able to count all five of his ribs on each side.

He shook Matt's bony shoulder until he stirred, and tugged him to the floor.

"M-Mello? Where are we going?"

"The kitchen."

-0-0-0-0-

"Are you sure we should be...?"

"Shut up!"

They crept into the kitchen quietly, and opened the fridge. Their eyes widened at the glorious, Oden-esque spread. Doughnuts, cake, pies, eclairs, cookies, chocolate bars and pieces, and candy sodas.

"It's L's stock..."

The each began to gorge themselves on the sugar, licking every last crumb off their hands. When they had emptied a little over half of the fridge, they east grabbed a pastry and headed for the door.

The door opened suddenly. Mello reacted perfectly, grabbing his new friend and shoving them both behind a stack of boxes.

The shadowy, hunched figure of L ambled toward his open refridgerator. He paused, obviously assessing the damage.

Tugging Matt's arm, Mello pushed him out the door and started to tip-toe away himself.

A monotone voice made him stop cold.

"I'll let it go this one time, Mello."

Giggling, Mello followed Matt's running footsteps, knowing that he was the only one who'd ever get him to cross L and his sugar.


	4. Snack Raid

Mello opened his bedroom door and peered inside. He smiled when he saw Matt fast asleep on the lower bunk, not even caring that Matt actually was supposed to crash on the upper bunk.

Matt, though thirteen now, looked just as innocent as when they met while sleeping. Mello tiptoed over and bent down, so they were face-to-face. Matt's hands were clasped up my his chin, in such a way he looked like an angel praying.

Though Matt was far from angelic. He played the bloodiest video games, like Halo and Grand Theft Auto, and smoked a pack of Marlboro cigarettes a day. He'd started smoking when Mello had gotten sick and had to stay in the infirmary. The resident bully, a boy called Paul, had his cronies grab Matt. He told Matt he either had to smoke an entire pack of Marlboros or be beat repeatedly with a barbed wire whip they'd made from a fence around a neighboring warehouse. Matt obviously chose the ciggies, and had been smoking ever since, even after Mello had "taken care" of Paul.

Mello knew that if Matt didn't quit smoking soon, he'd die, or become irrevocably sick. Or become irrevocably sick and THEN die.

But Matt's innocent sleeping face took all that away. The boy didn't even smell like smoke.

Putting a gloved hand on the side of his roommate's face, Mello leaned down and delivered a chaste kiss to Matt's full-but-not-full lips. He then stood and left the room in shame, shame of kissing something that seemed so pure.

He never saw the small smile that crawled onto Matt's face as he rolled over and went back to sleep.


	5. Two Gay Boys

"Mello, what's your opinion on homosexuals?"

Mello spit his chocolate milk right across the wooden table. Did he hear Matt right? Did he have lint in his ears?

"S-say that again, man?"

"I asked about your opinion on homosexuals."

Mello chuckled nervously, and regained his composure. He scratched the back of his head and looked at his roomie, who had a very serious look in his un-goggled (for once) eyes. Mello sighed; he couldn't hide it anymore.

"Well, considering I AM one, I can't exactly hate them, can I?"

It was Matt's turned to be shocked. He tumbled off the sofa and smacked his head on the milk-splattered coffee table.

"Jesus, are you ok?!"

Mello jumped down and helped Matt up. He knew even a slight injury could put the redhead's health in a tailspin. Matt was anemic, and prone to be weak and sick at times.

At this particular moment, Matt was semiconcious; his head rolled and ended up on Mello's shoulder, just like when they met. His eyes were half-lidded, and his legs shook so much he couldn't stand without support.

"Ok, c'mon, Matt, let's get you on the bed."

Mello supported his stripe-clad best friend as they made their way to the bed. Matt laid down, and then sprung up like a jack-in-the-box. Mello felt two arms go around his waist and yank him close.

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?!"

A silly smile took over the gamer's features as he nuzzled his face at his friend's.

"I'm glad you're gay. Saves me the anxiety."

"Are you saying you're gay too?"

"Duh."

Mello blushed a little, and loosely threw his arms around Matt's neck. He pressed his lips gently to the bridge of the redhead's nose, which made the silly grin on said nose-owner's face grow wider.

They both had a little giggle, and they stayed like that for five minutes, until they heard Roger yelling for a room-check.


	6. Diary Break

Mello smiled softly at that last memory. Matt and himself had become a secret item after that. They moved very fast, for their age.

A lightbulb lit Mello's brain dimly, reminding him of something stuffed in a box in the closet.

He began digging through the box marked "Wammy's."

Finally, he came up with a dark, dust-covered book marked "JOURNEL" in gold, bold letters.

Opening it to the first page, he chuckled weakly at the series of harsh and frightening warnings he'd written to anyone who wasn't himself.

He skipped the pages, pausing at anything amusing, until he came to December 14th, back in the year he was fourteen.

~JOURNEL PAGE~

'Well, Matt finally did it. He finally took my virginity. I bled like hell, but DAMN, did I love it! It hurt a lot at first, but once we got into the right kind of motion, I could've sworn I'd died and gone to heaven. The foreplay was more fun, though. I didn't know I could give a blowjob, but according to Matt, I was a prostitute in a past life or something. I never realized he was so good at handjobs either.

'He's sleeping right now, and he's got his arms around me. He's naked completely, and I'm naked from the waist down. There's still blood all over my legs, and I'm wearing Matt's long-sleeved, black and white striped shirt. It smells like cigarettes, but I like it.

'Roger's going to have a fit about the sheets, they're COVERED in blood. I guess I'm just an easy bleeder.

'I'm a little worried about Matt. Sex is a high-adrenaline activity, and he's usually weak because of his anemia. He did go to sleep pretty fast...

'My ass hurts and I'm tired. I'll write again some other time.'

~END OF ENTRY~

Mello was now crying and smiling at the memory. Yes, he'd lost his virginity to Matt, and he'd loved every sweaty, pleasureable, painful second of it.

It hadn't been the best sex they'd ever had, though, and he remembered THAT night all too clearly...


	7. Apartment Relations

Mello hated living in the drabby city apartment, he absolutly loathed it. However, with L dead and Near on the move, he and Matt had to abandon any form of home comforts to try and beat him, along with catching Kira.

Matt had chosen to come with Mello, and surprisingly, hadn't complained once. He just hacked into computers, researched Kira, played his DS, and smoked. He didn't even complain when they'd gone hungry for three days. Mello had done enough of that for both of them, he supposed.

Indeed, when Mello entered the room, Matt was laying on the crappy bed, playing Mario Party 8 on his DS and sending trails of smoke up to the ceiling fan to blow around.

"Matt, I am pissed off right now. Do as I say for once and put the game away. And put out that stupid cancer stick, while you're at it."

Matt laughed, sending even more smoke into the air and increasing Mello's chances for second-hand-smoke-induced cancer; "Sorry, Mels, no can do."

Mello scowled, and clenched the butt of his pistol; "I'm giving you five more seconds."

Matt didn't move.

"Four!"

Still not moving.

"Three..."

Nada.

"Two....!"

Matt was giggling now.

"ONE!"

And Mello pounced.

~ * ~

"I'm not usually one to pry, but where in the hell did you get handcuffs?"

"Shut up."

Matt's Nintendo was laying discarded on the floor, bleeping out the sad tune where Mario looses a life. The still-smoking ciggarette lay close to it, glowing weakly without the carbon dioxide from it's user's lungs.

Mello was sitting on Matt's stomach, legs on either side, straddling him. A slow, sadistic grin formed on his face as he pulled off his leather gloves.

"Question; How does cuffing me to the bedframe improve your mood?"

"Well, it's better to be aroused than to be pissed, eh?"

He unzipped Matt's jeans, pleased to find a half-erect member hidden under the denim. Taking the limp head between his fingers, he leaned up to trace the side of the gamer's mouth with his tounge. Chuckling a little, he moved back until his head was directly above the quickly hardening cock and breathed hot air on it.

"MUCH better to be aroused."

He slipped the head and first few centimeters into his mouth. He started sucking immediatly, in contrast to all the previous blowjobs he'd ever given Matt.

Matt, meanwhile, was arching his back and straining against his handcuffs. He moaned the blonde's name over and over, complete with groans and the occasional off-key cry. It wasn't long before he came, but his dick stayed erect.

Mello shed his leather jeans and hovered his opening over Matt's erection. Slowly, he pressed down. He kept pressing down until it was all they way inside him.

By now, Matt's head was thrown back and his breathing was completely erratic. Mello also threw his head back, and tears ran down his face. Sure, he and Matt had gone at it before, but it always hurt. Mello wasn't a masochist, but this kind of hurt felt good at the same time.

Mello started moving himself up and down, feeling Matt try to thrust upwards at the same time. He didn't even realise how strong his lover's resistance against the cuffs were until it was too late. The rusty bedframe snapped and Matt's bound arms were thrown around Mello's neck. The redhead connected their mouths in a steamy kiss. Mello was the first to make a move in the kiss, roughly forcing his tounge into Matt's smokey-tasting mouth. It was like kissing an ash tray, but a very sexy and delicious ash tray.

"Matt..." Mello panted, once said redhead had broken the kiss, only to begin kissing Mello's burn scars, from eye to throat, "Matt...harder...harder...please, harder!"

Obliging, Matt pushed Mello down and took a higher position. More leverage equaled deeper thrusts.

"That's what I'm here for, Mel," Matt's voice was breathless and strong at the same time, "Just here to love you and make you cum. Which, I'm sure, you're about to do..."

And like clockwork, white liquid spattered the nicotine-addict's chest. It didn't take much longer than that for said addict to come for the second time that night.

Panting and ready to fall asleep, Mello reached up and unlocked the handcuffs. For the first time, he saw the deep lacerations they had left in his lover's wrists.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. This was worth a little pain, a little blood..."

"Riiiiiight..."

They kissed again, and fell victim to exhaustion.


	8. The Fatal Plan

In the beginning, it seemed like the perfect plan, but now, Mello hated himself for even fathoming it.

It should have been simple. Matt causes a diversion while Mello runs in and nabs Takada.

But Mello didn't add Takada's squad of bodyguards to the equation until it was too late, and now Matt refused to change the plan, even though it was his own life at stake.

"We've been memorizing this plan for too long to change it now. We should just stick with it and hope for the best."

"THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD!" Mello had exploded at him, and Matt had actually cowered back a little, "HOPING FOR THE BEST WON'T DO ANYTHING WHEN YOU GET SHOT! HOPING FOR THE BEST WON'T PREVENT DEATH!"

And Mello had run off to the bedroom, slamming his head repeatedly into the wall and hating himself. If Matt created a diversion, the bodyguards would run him off the road and shoot him repeatedly. He'd die. Matt would be killed.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!!!"

Mello had been in the room all day and all night. He'd finally fallen asleep around two AM, and when he opened his eyes, the dreadful realization hit him.

Today was the day the plan was meant to be carried out.

There was a knock on the door, and Matt's voice carried through the wood.

"Come in." Mello called shakily.

Matt stepped through the doorway, already wearing his boots and his woolly vest in the crook of his elbow.

"I thought I'd, you know, say goodbye, before I left..."

Matt ambled over to the bed, and Mello, with suprising agility for someone who just woke up, yanked Matt down on top of him. He let his hands rest softly on Matt's face, and tears welled up in his blue eyes.

"Don't go. Screw the plan. Just don't leave me."

"Mello," Matt sighed, "You're making this very, very hard."

"That's the idea."

Matt sighed again, shaking his head. "Mello, you know this plan is perfect. If I have a decoy Takada in my car, and the bodyguards are on my tail, then you can escape and torture her ass until she tells you who Kira is."

"But if the bodyguards catch you, they'll kill you, Matt!"

"Won't it be worth it to catch the man who killed L?"

"No! Not even close!"

Mello pressed his face into Matt's striped chest and cried harder than he ever had in his life. It was downright hysteria and it was pitiful, but he couldn't help it. How could Matt think his own life was worth catching Kira? Nothing on this earth was worthwhile if Matt had to die for it! Nothing!

"Easy, Mello, it's ok. C'mon, Mels, calm down..."

Matt gently rubbed and massaged the blonde mafia boss's back, kissing his forehead and trying to calm him.

"Don't go!" Mello was still hysterical, "Don't you dare leave me! Don't leave!"

"Do you really want Near to win, Mello? I thought beating him was the most important thing in the world to you!"

"Screw Near! I don't care if he wins! Just stay here!"

This gave Matt a small case of vertigo. Mello didn't care if Near won? But Mello, above anything, ALWAYS wanted to beat Near. Did his life really mean that much to him?

But defeating Kira was more important. And Mello really did want to beat Near, he was just panicking right now. It would fade once the plan was underway.

"Mello, we have to do this. L, and all the other detectives and law-enforcers Kira killed deserve some form of vengence."

Mello's eyes were still tearful, and his face was red and raw from the moisture. He was still whimpering, and his teeth were clenched. He could see that nothing could deter Matt; nothing could waver him from his mission.

Mello put his hands on Matt's face again, and leaned up so their lips were milimeters apart.

"Come back to me alive, you got that?"

Matt gave no response, just leaned down and gave Mello one, desperate yet chaste, kiss.

He left the room.

Mello had the dark feeling in his stomach that it would be the last kiss they'd ever share.

~ * ~

"On-scene reporters say the man was young, perhaps still eighteen or nineteen, with red hair. He was wearing a vest, a black-and-white striped shirt, and blue-jeans with combat boots. He wore goggles on his eyes and, when he was closely examined, he appeared to have lit and smoked one Marlboro cigarette before his death. The bodyguards of Miss Kiyomi Takada confirm that they shot a full round of rifle shots at him, and all twenty bullets struck him full-on. He didn't die upon impact, but lived a few moments to have his last cigarette. The young man's identity is still unknown..."

Mello flicked off the TV, unable to watch anymore. Not only had the plan been a failure, but Matt was dead.

Matt was dead.

Matt had been shot and killed.

And now Mello was utterly alone.

With a painful cry of agony, he threw himself down onto the bed and cried again.

"You're a bastard, Matt. You didn't come back to me."


	9. Memorable Suicide

Why did it all have to happen that way? Matt had never physically harmed anyone in his life, except bastards who made their living harming others. That was justified! Matt was a good man, why did he have to die!

"It was my fault..." Mello moaned into his pillow. It was all his fault. It was his stupid plan. It was because he was weak that he hadn't been able to stop Matt from going.

"If only I'd been able to stop him...but all I could do was cry. All I contributed was hysteria, and he still went. I should have knocked him over the head with something, or put the handcuffs on him again. Anything like that would have stopped him!"

"And he'dve gotten over it. Sure, he might have been pissed at me for a few weeks, but he'dve cooled off. Then we'dve tried something else. Something that didn't have to involve armed bodyguards."

"But because of me and my fucking idiocy (1), the person I loved the most in this world is dead! He's dead! And it is all your fault, Mihael Keehl!"

Attempting to kill some of his agony, he rolled and switched the radio on. The song that began to play from a Netherlandic radio station, however, didn't help him in the slightest.

~In this world you tried  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way  
I prayed to the gods let him stay~

'Why didn't they let him stay?' Mello thought, feeling the tears well up again. 'God, I am such a crybaby...'

~The memories ease the pain inside,  
Now I know why~

'They do ease the pain...'

~All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

The song was almost an exact replica of Mello's emotions at the moment. It was true. While remembering things about him and Matt, it felt like the redhead, gaming, smartass chainsmoker was in the room with him, with his arms around him...

~Made me promise I'd try  
To find my way back in this life.  
I hope there is a way  
To give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me again it's worth it all  
So I can go home~

'I wonder...is he happy where he is? He can't be too happy, not without me there...'

'But he might hate me now...after all, I got him killed...'

~All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

~Together in all these memories  
I see your smile.  
All the memories I hold dear.  
Darling, you know I'll love you  
till the end of time~

He actually could picture that smile; impossibly white teeth for a smoker, and laugh lines that made his face irresistably sexy.

'And, Matt? If you can here me, you do know I love you, right? Until the end of time, just like the song said...'

~All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears~

~All of my memories...~

Mello had endless happy memories of his late lover, but living with those memories just wasn't going to be enough.

The mafia boss picked up the phone near the radio, turned the volume off, and dialed the number of a familier hotel room.

It rang twice, and then the familier voice of Mello's archrival answered with a dull "Hello?"

"Well, Near, you should be happy now. You win by default. No rich-ass funerals, got it?"

"Mello?! Wait, what the...?"

Mello hung up. He then dug out from under the bed a magnum and aimed it at his head.

"You'll be seeing me in a second, Matt..."

And he pulled the trigger.


	10. Epilouge

It was bright. Blindingly bright. And it was warm. Warm like a beach in Miami, but without the humidity. There was no horizon seperated sky from ground. There might not have even been a sky or a ground. It was just one big, blindingly bright and comfortably warm void.

"It reminds me of an endless grassland."

As if on a timer, long, green prairie grass sprouted from whatever he was laying on, and the white sky turned blue with bright, white clouds. He couldn't find the sun, but it was bright everywhere, without a single shadow.

Mello looked at his body, and discovered he was only thirteen or fourteen years old. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved T-shirt, and black pajama pants. No shoes, white socks.

"Mello!"

Mello sat up and turned to the voice. A boy, physically his age, wearing a black-and-white striped-longs-sleeved shirt and denim shorts was waving at him. This boy had red hair, and wore goggles that covered his eyes, but Mello was sure they were emerald green.

With a scream of disbelief and delight, Mello threw himself at Matt, and they locked arms and embraced tightly.

"I wasn't expecting you this soon, you know, but I can't even pretend to be pissed right now."

Mello just smiled and pressed his face closer into his lover's chest. As both were oblivious, their bodies began to age, until they were both nineteen years old. They pulled away and smiled. Their lips connected.

All was right with heaven now.


End file.
